Faithful Doubter – April 11, 2010
Scripture: John 20: 19-31 April 11, 2010
When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.” But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”
A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.” Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book. But these are written so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.
Sermon: Faithful Doubter by Rev. Doreen Oughton
Today’s reading takes place in the bible right after the reading from last week, in which Jesus appeared to Mary Magdelene, who ran back to tell the other disciples. It is, according to the scripture, the evening of that very day. The disciples, including, I assume, Peter and the other disciple who followed Mary to verify that the tomb was empty, are locked up in a house because they are afraid. Jesus appears to them with blessings of peace, and a display of his wounds to quell their doubts. Then, in this amazing visit, Jesus does for the disciples what gospel writer Luke has him doing fifty days later, blessing them with the Holy Spirit and giving them a commission – go and forgive sins, spread this blessing of peace.
But, can you imagine, one of the apostles is not there, Thomas, Thomas the Twin! I wonder, did Jesus realize this when he picked that time to appear amongst the disciples? Where had Thomas been? Wasn’t he afraid also? Perhaps his twin was worried about him and he had to meet him to assure him that he was okay. I wonder how long after Jesus left did Thomas return. Can you imagine walking in and the others falling all over themselves to tell you – “You missed it! He was here!” And they all look so joyous and happy, so excited. And you are not part of it at all. They are all reliving the visit, recalling what he said, what he did, how he looked, and you are just sitting there, wondering why he left you out.
I have a sister who lives in California and comes out maybe twice a year. Everyone adores her and wants to spend time with her when she comes. She’s only here for a few days, usually, and it’s hard to get time with her. There have been occasions when she’ll invite people over to my other sister’s for some card games, or out to lunch, or out cross-country skiing. There have been plenty of times when these things were scheduled for times I had to work. I tried not to be a baby about it, but I have to admit I usually felt hurt, somewhat marginalized, and wondered if I was important to her and to my other siblings. How hard would it be, I would think, for them to accommodate my schedule a little?
I wonder if Thomas is hurt, thinking, “goodness, couldn’t he have waited one more hour until I got back? Doesn’t he think I’m as important as the others?” Maybe his assertion of doubt is a protection against this hurt. Maybe he’d rather believe the others all had a group delusion, or are all in on a practical joke on him, than believe that Jesus left him out. Maybe his declaration is a statement about want the same thing that the others received. He is perhaps, protesting that Jesus should come back for him, bless him with peace the way he blessed others, show his wounds, even let Thomas touch them. If he can’t even bother to do those things, well, why should Thomas devote his life to him, running around on some mission that was not really given to him.
I wonder what the next week was like for Thomas. The second part of the reading has the disciples, including Thomas, back in the house. Some of the commentaries I read this week talked about the disciples still at the house, but that is not how my translation reads. It says they were again at the house. I like to think they were all out there forgiving sins and spreading the message of shalom every day. Except, perhaps, for Thomas, who’d not been commissioned. Did he tag along anyway, maybe starting to get caught up in the excitement already? Or did he maybe go back and spend more time with his family, taking a break from the friends that had this common bond, this bond that excluded him?
But he was with them on that eighth day of the week when Jesus returned with his message of shalom. And this time, he had a message for Thomas, also. Jesus did think he was just as important as the others. Jesus did want Thomas to believe in him. He invited Thomas to do what Thomas said he needed to do to believe – touch his wounds. But Thomas doesn’t need to do that after all. He just needed to know that he mattered to Jesus, that Jesus cared enough to give him the same blessing he gave the others. Then Jesus asks him if he believes because he has seen, and makes it clear that his blessing extends even to those who don’t see him so up close and personal. Even before he returned, Jesus seems to be saying, he had bestowed his blessing and his spirit on Thomas, had commissioned him also to forgive sins, to spread the message of peace. And I wonder if it is this fruit of belief that matters to Jesus more so than the belief itself. Perhaps Jesus was concerned that Thomas wasn’t out there with the others, didn’t claim and live in the Spirit that he received even in absentia.
Gospel writer John finishes this chapter by making clear that his purpose of writing this book was so that people would come to believe in Jesus. Again I wonder if it is the belief itself that is so important, or what the belief inspires. I know lots of people who work to spread peace in the world without a belief in the resurrected Jesus, or even in God. But for me, I’m a bit like Thomas. I do so much better when I start in the place of feeling loved and valued, when there is a personal connection, when I believe that I matter deeply to someone, that I matter to Jesus.
The more I think about Thomas, the more I identify with him. My doubt wasn’t as clearly and openly articulated as was Thomas’, but I have had the feeling that I’d missed out on something important. I did doubt sometimes that Jesus had really commissioned me to share the good news. I’ve shared before that I came to my Christian faith fairly late in my life. Even as I began seminary, my understanding of and faith in Jesus was very tentative, very unclear. In seminary, people are often asked to share about their “call” to ministry, and to share about their faith journeys. So very many people talked about having a very strong faith since childhood, about being raised in the church, about wanting to serve God since they were very young. People shared about youth group and camp experiences of encountering Christ. People talked about a mysterious knowing that came upon them about what they were meant to do. People had a clear sense that God was calling them to this task despite their own reservations.
No such thing ever happened to me. I’d never had such an encounter with Christ, and the things I’d heard about him earlier in my life didn’t make me want to pursue the relationship. But the things I’d started to hear about him in my church, well those things intrigued me. And when I’d heard about the encounters others had, I felt jealous and insecure. Maybe I wasn’t being called. Maybe Christ didn’t care so much about convincing me, or commissioning me. But even in my jealousy, I wanted to hear these stories. The inspiration that came transcended my petty human emotions. They stirred a hunger in me for such close contact with Christ, and so I started asking different people about how they experienced him, what helped them. I read books and tried different experiential exercises. And you know what? It worked. Christ came to me when I pursued him. He came to me through the scriptures, and he came to me through the stories of others. He came to me through prayer, and answered my doubts with his sweet-natured blessings.
And it has made a difference in the way I spread the message of God’s forgiveness and love and peace. I know I can have doubts about all kinds of doctrine. I can wonder where God or Christ is when I see terrible suffering. I can wonder about how much my puny faith matters when it doesn’t provide a home for the homeless, freedom for the imprisoned, or a voice for the voiceless. I can still draw on that relationship, still know that I am loved and valued by Jesus who blesses me even when I can’t see him or feel him. And it’s not just me. Jesus has blessed and commissioned each of you, whether you have had a personal, up close experience of him or not. He speaks to you in scripture – “Blessed are you who have not seen and yet come to believe.” Jesus invites you, along with Thomas, to come closer, to touch his wounds, to know that he is real and present to you. And to know, most importantly, how very much you matter to him, how tremendously valued and loved you are. So let him know if you have your doubts, let him know if you call him my lord and my God. But take his blessing. Take your place as one who has received his spirit and go and spread his shalom. May it be so.
