It’s All About Me – sermon on September 17, 2017
Matthew 18: 21-35 Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven! Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt. But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.
But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full. When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”
Romans 14: 1-12 Accept other believers who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong. For instance, one person believes it’s all right to eat anything. But another believer with a sensitive conscience will eat only vegetables. Those who feel free to eat anything must not look down on those who don’t. And those who don’t eat certain foods must not condemn those who do, for God has accepted them. Who are you to condemn someone else’s servants? Their own master will judge whether they stand or fall. And with the Lord’s help, they will stand and receive his approval.
In the same way, some think one day is more holy than another day, while others think every day is alike. You should each be fully convinced that whichever day you choose is acceptable. Those who worship the Lord on a special day do it to honor him. Those who eat any kind of food do so to honor the Lord, since they give thanks to God before eating. And those who refuse to eat certain foods also want to please the Lord and give thanks to God. For we don’t live for ourselves or die for ourselves. If we live, it’s to the glory of God. And if we die, it’s to the glory of God. So whether we live or die, we belong to God. Christ died and rose again for this very purpose—to be Lord both of the living and of the dead. So why do you condemn another believer? Why do you look down on another believer? Remember, we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. For the Scriptures say, “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bend to me, and every tongue will declare allegiance to God.’” Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God.
Sermon: It’s All About Me by Rev. Doreen Oughton
It’s interesting, isn’t it, the way Jesus responds to Peter’s question. Peter asks how often he must forgive someone who sins against him. And there are indications that it is not just any “someone,” but someone who is perhaps part of his faith community, a “brother” of sorts. He throws out a number that is more than double what Jewish law requires, but Jesus says that number is but a drop in the bucket for what God wants. And then he tells a parable about financial debts – the king who has lent incredible sums to servants and is ready to bring the accounts up to date. Interesting, I think, because Peter was not talking about financial debts. What do you think he meant by “sins against me?” Is he thinking about the times people have made fun of him, insulted him, interrupted him, disagreed with him, offended him? What perceived slights have come to his mind? What would come to your mind if I asked if you have ever been “sinned against” by a member of your faith community, or maybe a co-worker, or someone on a committee with you? We wouldn’t likely use that term – “sinned against.” What might be a good substitute? Maybe “offended?” Does that work? Lord, how many times must I forgive someone who has offended me? Seven times? And what, I wonder, does forgiveness mean to Peter? Keep talking to, working with, showing respect to this person who is so offensive? If he doesn’t have to forgive them, does that mean he gets to shun or counterattack, bad-mouth them, spread gossip?
Perhaps this is why Jesus tells a parable about a financial debt – the “offense” and “forgiveness” are made really clear. Those millions of dollars you owed me and have defaulted on? Forgotten – I’m ripping up the IOU, signing off that it is paid in full. It is a parable that leaves so much to be interpreted personally. God is the king, obviously, and the point of the story is forgiveness. So we can think about the tremendous amends we owe God for our wrongdoings, and which God has forgiven. Or we might think about the debt of gratitude we may owe God for all the gifts given, whether on loan or not. The earth and sky and sea, our food and families, our very lives. Could we ever pay God back for any of it? Whether it is about what we have been given, or what we have been forgiven, this parable asserts that the debt was tremendous, and has been eliminated. What incredible grace.
It’s like the grace of a bank bail-out to the tune of billions, lost in loans based on a failed scheme of sub-zero interest rates. It’s like the grace of forgiveness of a religion built up through imperialism and all manner of violence and coercion in its alleged quest to follow the prince of peace. And in the parable, this servant who has been freed from so much debt viciously attacks someone who owed him a very small amount. He refuses to forgive the debt, or even wait for payment, but instead has him thrown in jail – much like the banks that rushed to foreclose on a house bought with those sub-zero interest rates. Much like the fear-mongering language labeling Islam a violent faith, like bigotry against Muslims based on the actions of a small portion of extremists. That’s the kind of thing Jesus was preaching against.
Jesus tells how the king found out about this offensive behavior and reneged on the forgiveness, holding the man in the torture of prison until everything could be paid. And he explains that such is what God will do to those who do not forgive from the heart. Now the threat of punishment can certainly motivate people to offer an apology, as most parents can attest. But I haven’t heard much about forced forgiveness. Forgive your brother or go to your room! But I suspect that for Jesus, the forgiveness is more important than the apology.
Paul’s letter to the Romans also talks about offensive or offending behavior within a church community. There is conflict – arguments about who is right and who is wrong. Those who fast from certain foods are critical of those who don’t and vice versa. Those who observe a Sabbath are bothered by those who say every day is holy, and vice versa. Does each group perceive the other group as “sinning against” them in some way? Is this a problem where forgiveness is the answer? Not according to Paul. People may be offended by the behaviors of others, or they may feel offended by the judgment of others. But Paul isn’t encouraging them to forgive one another. At least he is not using that language. He tells them to stop condemning one another, to stop judging, to let God judge. In a way Paul is telling them they are in no position to forgive – it is not their place. It is God’s place. These are God’s people for God to judge, to forgive if necessary. It’s not about you, he tells them. It is about God – let everything you do or don’t do be for the glory of God.
I think Paul and Jesus were getting at the same thing. When it comes to our relationships with others, it is not supposed to be about us. We worry too much about whether our own sensibilities have been offended. We may not focus on what people are eating, but maybe we feel offended by their clothing or their language, or by their job or their gender expression or sexual orientation. We may be offended if someone talks about white privilege or welfare abuse. We might feel sinned against if someone uses feminine pronouns for God, or uses only male pronouns for God. In such situations, we can draw from Paul and say to ourselves, “this is not supposed to be about me. Let me do what I do for the glory of God, and let my sister or brother do what they do for the glory of God. We will each be giving our own account of our lives to God, our merciful judge.” Or we can draw from Jesus and remember that we have been given and forgiven so much that we can extend grace over such small things, such inconsequential matters. Not only can we, but we ought to, we must if we are to enter the kindom.
The kindom, according to Jesus, is the place where giving and forgiving are staggering, beyond counting. Forgiveness is a gift from God, not only in that we are forgiven by God, but that forgiveness is part and parcel of every loving relationship. How many people, when I asked if you had ever been sinned-against, thought about one of your children? I certainly wouldn’t, although there were times when they were incredibly offensive. But could I hold a grudge? Would I ever wonder how many times I had to forgive them? No. And they are so loving to me even after all the ways I failed them, well that is surely grace beyond counting. It seems to me that forgiveness is more an attitude than an act. I love what Henri Nouwen says about forgiveness, that it is the name of love practiced by people who love poorly. “Forgiveness is the name of love practiced by people who love poorly.” He goes on to say, “The hard truth is that all people love poorly.” If we were better at loving, if we could truly love as God loves, forgiveness would be a non-issue. Divine love is ever self-giving, ever flowing outward, and never gets jammed up by resentment, offended sensibilities and judgment. Divine love is not about me.
I have a forgiveness practice that I do when someone has really offended or upset me. And it has made me realize that, paradoxically, it is all about me. The practice actually does not lead me to forgiveness, but to gratitude, to love. It reminds me that when someone offends me, they are simply holding up a mirror, or brushing up against a thorn that is already in my flesh. My upset is my opportunity to look at tender places in myself that need healing, to take the thorn out of my flesh. The practice leads me to see the ways I was judging the other person, making them wrong, when really, I don’t know what their path is mean to be. It is not my place to judge, but God’s. It leads me to a spiritual truth and understanding that whatever comes to me is for me, not against me, and the work is mine to do to integrate it, with the help of God. It leads me to see the upsetting event as a gift, just one more gift in this life of abundance. I think if I were able to hold onto this mindset, where there is never cause for forgiveness, only gratitude, I might just find my way to kindom living. Can we help each other get there? I would be so grateful. May it be so.
