” Mighty Hard Stuff” – Sermon on Oct 14, 2012
Scripture: Mark 10: 2-12 October 14, 2012
Jesus was in the Judean coastal area on the far side of the Jordan when some religious authorities came and asked him, “Is it allowed in the law for a man to divorce his wife?” They asked this as a trap. But Jesus answered, saying, “What did Moses command you?” “Moses allowed for a divorce paper to be written and so a wife could be dismissed.” And Jesus answered them saying, “Yes, but he wrote that because you were so hard-hearted. But God’s design at creation was for male and female to be one. Therefore a man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Then the two would become one flesh so that they are no longer two, but one. So what God has put together let no person separate.”
Back in the house, the disciples questioned Jesus about this teaching and he answered them, “Whoever puts away his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she too commits adultery.”
Sermon: Mighty Hard Stuff Rev. Doreen Oughton
I want to share a moment of levity before we begin tackling this difficult passage. I tend to follow the lectionary – a schedule of scripture “assignments” if you will, but decided to switch last week’s passages and this week’s passages. I knew I wanted to preach about divorce, but didn’t want to do so at a service where the children were present. I contacted Bob to see if it had any impact on the anthems he had chosen, and, if you noticed, the anthems last week worked out very well with the whole service. But as we talked about the music selections for this week, he says to me, “I just realized, you are preaching about divorce, and one of the anthems is… I Dwell a Captive.” I thought he should leave it in. The Spirit moves in mysterious ways, right?
Okay, so now to get into it. Jesus has some mighty clear and some mighty strong words about divorce and remarriage in this passage. His words are hard for me, and I imagine many of you, to hear and accept. Who among us has not been touched by divorce in some way – whether ourselves, our children, our parents, or our siblings? Divorce rates are complicated statistics, but a recent PolitiFact.com fact check estimates that in 2012, the lifelong probability of a marriage ending in divorce is 40%–50%. Data indicates that marriages have lasted longer in the 21st century than they did in the 1990s, but still, divorce is a fairly common occurrence in our society. But as common as it may be, it still carries, hmm, a taint I guess would be one way to put it. And this passage certainly shines a light, if not a magnifying glass, on that taint, on that stain. A few people, perhaps those never divorced and not touched closely by it, may hear this passage and feel smug or even judgmental, but I think a lot of us just cringe. I know I do, me, a twice divorced and twice remarried woman. Me, a woman who has committed adultery in the eyes of our Lord.
But this is where we are asked to keep the rubber on the road as we travel a faith journey. We have to focus on our core beliefs and be willing to take scripture seriously. Sometimes our core beliefs about God, about Jesus, about truth and goodness, are challenged by scripture. Taking scripture seriously doesn’t mean we can’t disagree with it, can’t challenge it, can’t hear a different word from God in our hearts, in other readings, in our experience. But it does mean we ought not just dismiss the scriptural word. We must wrestle with it. So my core belief is that Jesus is God’s divine messenger of divine love. My core belief is that Jesus came to spread the good news that God is merciful, just, and loving, and wants the best possible life for us. And there is nothing in this passage that contradicts any of those beliefs. Just because I might not like being labeled an adulterer, does not mean I need to fear Jesus, or fear God’s condemnation. Just because I have missed the mark in some of my life choices does not mean God loves me any less. It does not mean I may not have good things. It does not mean that God is not blessing me all the time, even in my current marriage.
Let’s take a moment and back track a bit, off of my life, and into the world of first century Palestine, and talk about the “trap” set by the Pharisees. These learned holy men were trying to trip Jesus up in some way, figuring whatever he said, someone would be upset with him, and that would be a good thing for them. We can see this in the election campaigns. Points of agreement are not sought out or highlighted, but the most divisive issues are framed in the most divisive manner knowing that some group or another is going to get all riled up. At that time there was controversy between various Jewish sects not about the fact of divorce, but about the parameters for it. At that time only men could petition for divorce. Women were considered property, first belonging to their fathers, then to their husbands. If a man were unfaithful in the marriage, he was considered to have committed adultery not against his wife, but against his father-in-law and family, those who entrusted the woman to the husband. Some sects allowed for a man to divorce his wife only for her infidelity, or perhaps barrenness. Others allowed a man to “put away,” or divorce, his wife if she displeased him in any number of ways, including burning his toast. And others were in between these two poles.
For a woman to be “put away” by her husband was a terrible disgrace for her and her family. If she was not taken back by her father or family, she was extremely vulnerable to economic hardship, both for herself and her children. Divorce was a significant factor in a woman’s turning to prostitution to get by. So it is not surprising that Jesus was adamant about the hardness of heart it took for a man to divorce his wife, leaving her so vulnerable, so shamed. It is not at all surprising that Jesus would say, “This is wrong. This is not what God intended for you.” But Jesus doesn’t qualify his statement. He doesn’t say, “It is wrong unless a woman can make it on her own, or unless her family takes her back.” In fact he goes on to say to the disciples that divorce is wrong even when the woman is the one who wants it. And if she marries again after being divorced, she is committing adultery. Now I’m not sure that adultery applies if you have been the one who was “put away” in a divorce. I suppose we could parse that if we wanted to – “she / he divorced ME, so I’m free to move on, pick up the pieces, etc.” But think about Jesus’ response to the Pharisees. He talks about the human hardness of heart involved in the Mosaic law from Deuteronomy allowing divorce, then he goes on to quote Genesis on how two people come together to become one new being. Does it matter who initiates the separation when this new creation of unity is torn apart? Jesus doesn’t seem to think so. Jesus just says it ought not be torn apart. Think about the word “adulterated,” so similar to “adultery.” To adulterate something is to corrupt it, to alter it to something less than it originally was. It seems to me that the tearing apart of a marriage is more adulterating than any remarriage could be.
I also want to say that I think the tearing apart of a marriage happens long before a divorce happens. When we think of a marriage as a new creation, something bigger and distinct from the two individuals who come together to form it, you might think of it as similar to a child created by two people. If your child gets sick, you tend to it, you do your best to nurture it. Likewise a marriage. If a marriage shows signs of being unhealthy, you tend to it, try to nurture it. Like a sick child, it may still get sicker, and you might seek outside help. The marriage may continue to unravel. It may, in fact, reach a terminal condition. When divorce happens, it is like a burial. The creation has been torn apart, has not been able to be revived. But it is not the divorce that killed it, any more than a funeral kills a person. And like with any death, there is terrible pain involved. Just like there have been, especially in ancient times, cases where people have been thought dead and interred too soon, there may be some marriages declared dead before the life is really gone from them, but I would say, not usually. Not usually. And sometimes a marriage has been torn apart, has died, and no one bothers to bury it with a divorce.
I think when people have been through such a loss, have buried something that was so very cherished at some point, when people are grieving or have grieved such a loss, Jesus has not been there in judgment of them, but has been there with compassion, with a broken heart on their behalf and on God’s behalf. Yes, I believe divorce, or the things that lead to divorce do break God’s heart. Just like your child’s failing grade, bad behavior, social or physical struggles may break your heart. Your heart doesn’t break because you stand in judgment, because you find them lacking or unworthy, but because you feel their pain, because you want the very best for them. And you know that the best only comes with struggle, with failure, with overcoming hardship rather than avoiding it. So you can’t protect them from such things, and with your heart still hurting you encourage them, support them as best you can, make sure they know there is room to do better, they are still free and able to become the best they can be, to have the best life they can have. They will carry not only the wounds from mistakes and struggles, but the lessons from them as well.
So my hope is that we can hear this passage in the larger context of Jesus’ mission and message, the message that the kindom of God is at hand. It has both already come and is not yet here. We know it is not yet fully here because we so often miss the mark on how God would have us live – not only in regards to whether our marriages stay together, but in regards to practicing justice, peace, kindness, and sacrifice in our relationships with all people – those in our family, our community, in our nation, and in our world. My hope is that we hear this passage as a reminder that God wants the most wonderful life for us, the most wonderful relationships for us. Jesus wants to remind us of who and whose we are, all of us, each of us. Imagine knowing, remembering and living as the beloved child of God that you are, and you unite yourself with someone who knows, remembers and lives as the beloved child of God; someone who also knows, remembers and treats you as beloved child of God. That is how it is supposed to be, the unadulterated model of a marriage. That is mighty powerful stuff, and that is what is possible with God.
